I’m a three. For those familiar with the enneagram you completely understand what type of person I am by me just saying that one number.
If you aren’t familiar with the enneagram, stop reading now and go take the enneagram quiz, it will change you. (Clearly I’m feeling dramatic today.)
A Three is an achiever- this, once again, will not shock those of you that know me well. I am the definition of a goal. I’m so good at alienating myself to believe I am only valuable and successful if I meet the goals I set for myself, it’s scary really.
This time of year is difficult for me. I LOVE Christmas, the holidays, eggnog, cookies, gatherings, all the things; it’s not that. But this time of year is when I consciously take a look back at my list of goals I wanted to achieve this year, and either celebrate the wins or feel the defeat of those I couldn’t put a check next to.
It’s an especially hard time of year as a business owner and entrepreneur. As a Three, I don’t necessarily believe if you shoot for the moon, you land amongst the stars. If I shoot for the moon, damn it, I want to land on the friggin’ moon! Cant I get an amen?!
What I tend to discount this time of year are the personal goals I set for myself earlier this year.
Isn’t it funny how we tend to focus on the things we HAVEN’T accomplished versus those we HAVE accomplished? When I draw focus to that point, it annoys me. I want to be this positive force, but man, we can really be our worst critics, can’t we?
Last week I met with my monthly mastermind group. (My mastermind group is the bomb, by the way! Not all realtors, but some are, and we encourage, challenge, uplift each other in an otherwise solo-feeling business.) At that last meeting of the year, we talked about the goals we had set at our first meeting of the year, both professionally AND personally. I didn’t want to talk about goals. I knew I was a hair short of the goal I had set for my business this year, and I hate to admit failure. When I thought about 2018, all I could think about was the list of things I didn’t achieve. As a Three, I had failed, and I wanted to focus on next year, without rehashing this year.
Let’s circle back to the Enneagram I mentioned above. My book club introduced me to it last year. Ya’ll. My bookclub is the bomb. It’s full of amazing women who open my eyes to growth and self- development (and sometimes we have too much wine and discuss tricks to staying young, but we will talk about that later). Realizing my tendency to put my self-worth into what I have/can/will achieve has been a game changer in my daily practice of self-acceptance.
Fast forward back to my mastermind group. One-by-one, the group went around the table and read the goals we had written down in January. And the most awesome thing happened. Instead of thinking how I fell short in a few of the business goals I set, I realized how many of the personal goals I had achieved!
Cue personal goals achieved. One. I had taken a two-week vacation (almost) unplugged. Two. We had put into savings a little more than we budgeted. And Three. I’m still swearing to myself I’ll replace that single lightbulb hanging from my office ceiling with a real fixture (things take time, folks).
Slowly, and definitely not overnight, December for me has been a month of grace. Grace for others, but overall, grace for myself. Because it’s so easy to fall into a pattern of self-doubt and comparing ourselves and our achievements to others.
I challenge you, as we enter this crazy holiday season, to give yourself grace. Surround yourself with people who challenge you and accept you, but also don’t let yourself be defined by successes or failures. Because no one tells you enough how fabulous you are, and no matter what your Enneagram is, you are wonderful, intelligent, and important. And also, go read about the Enneagram and watch it change you! (Cue dramatic music here).